jueves, noviembre 01, 2007

My struggles in Ministry

T he desire to serve God began in my heart since I was 8 years of age. I used to live in a community where people were mostly Catholic; my mom was raised in the Roman Catholic Church and was so mad with the institution's abuses toward her that she never took us to church. My dad was the grandson of a Baptist Pastor, my dad's mom died when he was a teenager, he also was mad with God and the church. However, I grew up feeling the calling of God in my life and not knowing about Him. When I was 22 years old I finally participated in a church and received Jesus as my Savior. I was motivated to share with my family that I was going into ministry... I volunteered myself that was what I thought; I said to God: “I promise you that I am going to serve you as a pastor.” I received no support and no seminary in PR would accept a woman (1987).
Y ears passed, I developed a mental health disorder, which I suffered until the point of being disabled by government and doctor’s standards. Still fighting with God...because I couldn’t understand that He was forming me for ministry. In the year 2001 God spoke to me and said: Do you remember your promise... He asked 3 times, the third time I remembered when I promised God to serve Him. I said to God: "I can't now I am sick” I became sicker, finally I surrendered and accepted to obey him even if I have to serve him sick. He healed me completely and miraculously. After the healing I had 3 dreams...

First dream: A necklace in my neck with the name of Gideon: God revealed how He sees me as a brave warrior, also that my team in ministry was going to be small but we will do great things and win great victories for his kingdom. He was also calling me to be a part of the government of his church.
Second dream: Jesus in the flesh hugged me and filled me with His Spirit opened my eyes and I was able to see Him resurrected. I was baptized with the Holy Spirit and filled with Christ. The Word is abiding in me. The Word began to be revealed, I was able to see in the scriptures what others couldn’t see. I received the gifts of discernment, knowledge, revelation, wisdom, healing by word and imposition of the hands, dream interpretation and faith
Third dream: I was called by a pastor she needed my help, when I went inside the house people were sick lying on the floor. They couldn’t breathe or see and the pastor cleaned a boy's eyes with a cloth and opened his nostrils with a pump. I asked God what I am doing in here; He responded I have called you for this... I received God’s calling as an apostle. For this? Was revealed 3 months later. God spoke again, he said: "for this is in Act 26:16-18", God’s confirmation of his calling.

God send me to study. I went to Florida Christian University and because they saw me when I was sick, when they saw me healed they embraced me and cared for me. They were great! I was mentored by Dr. Hackler a retired Presbyterian Pastor, Christian Counselor and Professor, he mentored me during my PhD on a one on one base. I seated with him 5 times a week for 4 hours for two years.

I graduated and began my ministry...

In the ministry problems started... I found obstacles in every place I put my feet. The first church institution where I served, I was delegated with the dead ministries: visitations, elders and youth mimes. These ministries became alive and after they resurrected the oldest leaders took them and removed me. We moved from congregation, in the next one, I served the addict community and started my experience with pregnant teens and teen moms, domestic violence survivors and counseling the sexually abused. I went to the Pastor to communicate the vision that God gave me, which I thought was for that church. Well, the Pastor used his pulpit to abuse and tried to intimidate me by negating me the right to counsel others. My husband was enraged and said “we are leaving this church.” We began a walk into the desert visiting churches and seeing power and control in each place, we cried, we couldn't believe what we were passing through.

We became members of a small congregation that needed leaders, our whole family serves the Lord (we are husband and wife and 3 daughters that sing for the Lord) they celebrated us, however the leaders of the congregation got jealous and made us a case, they said lies about us and we were thrown out, yes, the Pastor told us, do not come back to my church. He repented, today we are friends. But we left. We returned to the last church, where I was abused verbally by the Pastor, why? God sent me; God gave me a prophetic word for him, in the process of 6 months through dreams, I delivered the word and God released me.

God sent me as His apostle. God said to me: “now you are going to build my church.” When I began Reconciliation Center in obedience to God, my ministerial group avoided me and the person that used to be my apostle cursed me and my ministry expecting us to die in six months. In six months we had a small congregation of 50 and in a year our elders didn't passed the fire of the hard work and left us with the whole work load, because of the infection and comments people got mad and some of them left. My son in law went to prison. The whole ministerial family was in shock, I was able to see people, I knew and trust testifying lies against him. My daughter got into a deep depression. She was left alone with her daughter with no support. Her daughter was depressed and anorexic. My husband began to be persecuted in his job. We lost the place we where meeting because of lack of finances and when we where in the home celebrating the studies and worship nobody came because they wanted a building. I discovered that people where after the bread and the fish, and the supposed leaders where after glory and a microphone. In the end it was just me with my vision and calling and my family, which have been beaten up by the devil’s schemes. I suffered a depression everything came down. I couldn't believe it and all I heard in my ears was the declaration of death that I received.
I said: “God how come my own family in Christ has sent me to die”. God responded they did it with Jesus. We recuperate, we continue in our home having church, we began to heal, we became strong. We are still in the house having some visits here and there. People say wow! great word, great voices, how sad you do not have a temple. PEOPLE ARE BLIND THEY THINK THAT GOING TO CHURCH IS GOING TO A BUILDING TO SEE A SHOW.

In the process I discovered the internet. I recuperated my voice and began to share the ministry. The fight began again. I been accused of being a feminist and that is the "bad word" they use to separate people from me. I used to be intimidated, but in the process I have become bold and strong and I have conquered fear. Three years after the sentence, I met with the apostle that cursed me. He finally accepted my calling as an apostle but asked me to be quiet and silent, and even suggested to remove my title because I already had many titles (Pastor and Dr.) and didn’t need an additional one. After I processed our conversation I was able to see what He was asking. He was asking me to deny who I was called to be.

My voice was empowered by God’s reassurance that I was in His will. I began to advocate for women in ministry and the distortion in God's word and the ministerial abuses in the church and out of the church. I began to educate others: first my whole family passed through reeducation on Biblical language and interpretation and we became a pro lifting up women, restoring men, inclusive ministry. God continued revealing. Today in all this church process, our vision and mission finally is clear and formed. Today, I understand that all this process was necessary and I am who I am today thanks to all the stones we had to step on!!!

We have become what God called us for and I know that the people that God wants to join with us are out there also ready. All we need to do is continue sharing the vision and the one that reads and sees it will run with us.

God's church is sick and God is tearing down what he does not want in His church and activating what is His. In the process we must continue doing what we were called to do and be sensitive and obedient to His voice. If God is not speaking continue working and when He gives directions obey and do not doubt!

Blessings to all of you!